Me or My Reflection?
by Ailiswen
Summary: Eren Jagaer is not as happy as he seems he is being abused by his fellow soldiers behind the backs of the superiors who are supposed to protect him. When his breaking point comes it is up to Corporal Levi to pick up the pieces and protect and rebuild The Eren Jagaer that should exist. This is a Yaoi story and has some dark themes so please be aware
1. Chapter 1

**Disclaimer – I own nothing just my imagination Enjoy!**

**Warning - Yaoi**

_thoughts_

**speech**

The brown haired youth drifted through the cold cheerless halls of Headquarters as silent as any ghost. In part he already was tonight's self-assigned mission is just physically ending a process that really begun when he first joined the survey corps or even further back when wall maria came tumbling down at the hands of the colossal titan . He glanced furtevly around making sure nobody could see what he had in his arms as carrying weapons in HQ was strictly prohibited but he needed a knife for this task and so he slunk his way down to the kitchens to take a knife from there only to find them locked. In desperation he had finally snuck in to Squad Leader Hanjii's Lab and took three bottles of highly dangerous acid that she used in her Titan experiments to test their regenerative abilities. He stole these along with a scalpel just incase cutting didn't work afterall he had to be 100% sure that he got this right. He finally reached his destination and pushed the door to the empty room open hoping that nobody had heard the slight creak the door made as he pushed it. He entered the room with purpose all the while thoughts tore away at his concious hungry wolves.

_I am worthless and a monster. I shouldn't be allowed to pollute this world with my presence as all I do is cause heartache and pain and suffering to those who surround me. I cannot believe that I could hesitate and allow people to die knowing that they had more right to live and breathe on this planet than a monster like me. This is for th greater good nobody in the survey corps will need to watch their back from one of their own any more and Corprol Levi will be free to kill titans withought a shitty useless titan shifting monster like me. I hope this makes some sort of amends for the pain and suffering that my existance has caused and it means that I can be with my mother again though I do not deserve it._

The boy cuts through his flesh like butter with his stolen scalpel the wounds that he makes a physical manifestation of the hatred for himself that had infested his sould like a corruption that needs to be bled out him. It takes hours and hours of endlessly cutting and reopning wounds that close to fast for him to finally be able to make a lasting impression upon his own flesh and for his conciousness to slip away out of his grasp like sand through his fingers his last concious thought being

_I Deserve this …Just like they tell me i'm a monster who should die...I hope this brings some happiness._

Unfortunatly for the brown haired boy his saviour has found him just in time and will save him despite his protests.

_**I hope you liked please rate and review and thank for reading this**_


	2. Chapter 2

_**Disclaimer- I Own Nothing but my brain!**_

_**Enjoy **_

_**Warning Yaoi and Dark themes ahead**_

_**Chapter 1- (previous was just prologue)**_

**Speech**

_Thoughts_

_**Narrators Pov!**_

The sharp rapid click of boots on stone echoed down the hallway sharp and neat just like the man that was walking down the corridor face drawn tight in an anxious expression that did not sit well on his face. It was clear the man was searching for something as his sharp grey eyes moved continually about the corridor as if trying to will something to appear. A sharp indrawn breath and the man drew to a halt outside an empty room in the corridor and lifts both hands to cover his face as if to clear his head and the mess of thoughts swirling in his head like flocks of gulls.

_Damn that brat making me worry like this. I need to find him though something hasn't been right with him for a while. He tries to hide it but he has come to practice several times clearly in pain though he stupidly denies it. I haven't seen him smile in longer than I can remember and I miss it he smiles and it brings back the hope that we can actually win this shitty war against the Titans. I should have said something to Erwin he is the smart one he knows people I don't they are just confusing titan killing tools to me I have no idea what I am supposed to do or if I am just being paranoid about this. Erwin would have known dammit! Even Hanji would have known what to do better than me but I hate asking shitty glasses and the puppet master for help there is always a catch to it something they want in return. You better be all right you brat you are a member of my squad the only one left in fact so I can't lose you. When I find you wherever you are slacking off I am going to make you clean every stair in the castle with a toothbrush! Twice!_

The raven haired grey eyed man snapped out of his thoughts at the sound of might have been water dripping onto the floor of the room he was standing outside of. He moved closer trying to figure out the source under the impression that a new recruit had left the tap on, the window open or even worse spilled a cup of water and been disgusting enough to leave it to drip over the edge of the table. He moved towards the door pushing it backwards expectations clear in his mind when all that was pushed out of his brain with all the force of a titan fist to the face leaving his mind blank and the man himself at a loss at what he had come across. The man stood staring at what was a scene like he would come across on an expedition not here in Headquarters all the while the one thought passed unbidden through his brain.

_Eren..._

_**Thank you for reading as always please rate and review**_

_please be aware that the this chapter and the one previous are just to give you an idea of what is going through the minds of both characters before the story really starts thanks :)_


	3. Chapter 3

_**Me and My Reflection**_

_**Disclaimer – I own Nothing **_

_**Enjoy**_

_Thoughts_

**Speech**

Warning this fic contains mature themes that may offend some people

_**Levi's Pov**_

As I looked at the scene I had stumbled across in my search for the brat – who I had also found- I tried to wrap my head around what I was seeing. There was blood dripping from pale wrists onto the floor (Not water after all). All the blood that way lying around looked like it was enough to kill three or four people never mind one and in the centre of all this unconscious and looking far to pale to be all right was Eren. In the seconds it took me to survey all this I had raised my hand up to run down my face in sheer disbelief at what I was seeing my the only thought in my head being _Shit shit shit shit. _I finally snapped out of my daze and rushed to the brats side trying not to let the smell and feel of blood turn my stomach like it always does despite how much of it I see in my life. I raised Eren's limp head into my arm to let it rest there while I checked for a pulse at the same time saying to the brat

**Eren! Eren! You shitty brat can you hear me? Wake up and answer me you brat! Why would you do this to yourself? Why didn't you talk to me? **

**Hanji! Erwin! I need your help!**

I couldn't quite keep the desperation out of my voice as I shouted for the only people I truly trusted in my life and the only people I trusted with Eren's safety after myself. I heard the sound of boots clashing against stone and turned towards the still open door just in time to see Hanji skid to a stop words faltering as she took in the scene before her eyes. Hanji jolted out of her seeming paralysis after a few seconds and rushed to my side immediately checking Eren's vitals to see the condition he was in. I closely studied Hanji's face to get a clue as to how the brat was and was disheartened by what I found as her face lacked any of the joviality usually found there.

**Hanji is he going to be all right?** I asked Hanji pushing any thoughts about why I was so worried away for the moment and looked at Hanji as she turned to me solemn faced and serious for once and said **Physically he should be fine Levi but mentally I just don't know he did this to himself we are just lucky his titan healing abilities are so effective as this would have killed any other human being. How did this happen? Why did this happen? We need to know if we want to stop this from happening again. I will take him down to my lab and will keep him there for observation on his physical condition and when he wakes up I will inform you. We will also need to inform Erwin of this incident and maybe he will have some idea as to why this happened he is the smart one after all.**

With all that said Hanji gently lifted Eren into her arms bridle style careful not to jostle him to much in case there were wounds we couldn't see and walked off down the corridor in the direction of her Lab. I found that I couldn't tear my gaze away from her back until she was out of site. After Hanji was gone I shook myself out of the stupor of shock that seemed to have drifted over me like a mist making my movements seem stilted and sluggish and headed off in the direction of Erwin's Office wondering just how I was to explain the situation to him but finding myself dragged down by my thoughts instead. _Why would the brat do this? Why didn't I notice something was wrong? This is not the sort of thing that happens overnight there are normally clues signs so how did I miss the? I really failed him this time though it will be the last once the brat is awake I will make sure he tells me what made him do this and keep a closer eye on him so it doesn't happen again. I will let him know he can talk to me if he needs to. I know what it is like to have humanities expectations weighing on your shoulders and that it sometimes feels so heavy that you just want to through it all of and hide in a cave till they leave you alone for good. I also know that he is too good a person, too determined a person to let this beat him or at least I thought he was. I really hope he is all right. _

I snapped out my thoughts when I realized I was standing in front of Erwin's office. I dreaded the conversation that I new was to follow and that my failure would be on show but I knew it had to be done the brat mattered more so I took a deep breath to steady myself and knocked on the door and waited for him to tell me to enter.

_**Thank you for reading this! **_

_**Please review and I will see you next chapter**_


	4. Chapter 4

_**Me and My Reflection**_

_**Disclaimer – I own Nothing **_

_**Enjoy**_

_Thoughts_

**Speech**

**sorry this took so long to release**

Warning this fic contains mature themes that may offend some people

_**Levi's Pov**_

"**Enter" **is the sound that shakes me from the dark shark infested pit that was my thoughts at this point. I take a steadying breath and reach for the handle for once in my life feeling out of my depth and it is not one I am enjoying. Erwin looks up as I enter his office his face shifts quickly from professional to confused and he says **"Oh Levi its you, I wasn't expecting to see you. What wrong?" **I don't ask him how he knows something is wrong I am pretty sure that my face is saying everything for me and so I steel myself for what is to come

"**Erwin, Eren Jaeger tried to kill himself about an hour ago I found him..."** I trailed off running a hand down my face while even Erwin Smith who seemed as if he always know what was going on was looking at me with an expression I thought I would never see on his face one of unpleasant surprise on his face. **"I would like permission to investigate the background of this event to figure out what caused this. We both know this is not the type of person Eren is so something must be going on that we missed. Let me figure it out Erwin. I failed Eren and I need to fix that." **I finished off my words in a rush my guilt making them stumble over each other in an effort to leave my mouth. Erwin looks at me as though he can guess my thoughts and looks me straight in the eyes as he says **"Levi, I have been told recently by a member of the corps that they overheard a group recruits talking about attacking Eren as he made his way to the stables. The person said that this did not sound like the first time this conversation had taken place. I only heard this yesterday and had planned on discussing it with you and Hanji today. In light of today's events this conversation takes a more sinister aspect. Armin Arlett was the recruit who came to me so I know the information is valid I am ordering you to get to the bottom of this and bring the truth of these events to light so appropriate action can be taken. Your dismissed!" **I felt a great relief that Erwin was allowing me to get to the bottom of events and so I gave a salute and turned to the door to leave my thoughts already turning to Arlett and finding him to discuss what he overheard. The blonde was almost as smart as Erwin and so I would ask his opinion on this and about the way things in corps have been when I am not there as what I see and what he sees will be very different as I am an officer an recruits are wary of me not so with Arlett. I headed back down the corridor to the mess hall in my search finding the mushroom haired soldier having breakfast with the other soldiers. I quickly make my presence known to the soldiers and get Arletts attention discreetly getting him to follow me to my office.

When we reach the office I close the door and we both take a seat. I prepare myself for a long and very unpleasant conversation with the boy in front of me as he is not just someone who knows something he is someone who cares about Eren like I do. I have to remind myself that this person grew up with Eren and will know his personality and behaviours better than I do and will be of great help in my investigation and in helping Eren recover and get back on his feet. I raise my eyes to meet blue sapphire like eyes with the same cold intelligence gleaming in them that is familiar to me form Erwin's gaze and so I take a breath and start

" **So recruit Arlett...**

_**Thank you for reading this! **_

_**Please review and I will see you next chapter**_


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